Regrets and Memories
by ChappiRuki
Summary: Rukia brings Ichigo to meet some one important to her. She opens up to him about her painful, self-inflicting past and he listens intently, understanding her immensely. -IchiRuki oneshot-


**A/N: **

**OH. MY. GOSH. I'm actually-finally-posting my first IchiRuki fanfic onto **

**Fanfiction. I've actually had this story for a long while, but I have never **

**thought about posting onto Fanfiction, until I read some IchiRuki stories **

**that were…unsatisfying or the characters were just OOC. Mind you, there **

**are good ones out there but I felt like there just isn't enough, so I decided **

**to post this. By the way, this is just a warning about how this story has **

**spoilers from Bleach. So don't read this if you hate spoilers or haven't**

**finished Bleach, but otherwise, please enjoy! **

Regrets and Painful Memories

"Hey, Ichigo! Ichigo!"

Ignoring the voice, he mumbled and rolled to the other side.

A vein popped on the side of her head.

The annoyed lieutenant stepped back, breathed in deeply, and jumped on him.

"GET!"-bounce-"UP!"-bounce-"YOU!"-bounce-"FOOL!"-bounce.

"OW! Ow! OW! OW! THE HELL WAS THAT FOR RUKIA?!" screamed Ichigo, bending over in pain as Rukia jumped off the bed lightly.

Rukia paused and grimly said, "We need to go to Soul Society."

Ichigo paused, then stared at Rukia determinedly,

"Let's go."

"...Rukia..."

"Rukia."

"Rukia!"

"Chappy!"

"What the _hell _is going on in that small head of hers?," Ichigo thought.

Annoyed (and while he'd never admit it-worried), he picked her up over his shoulder swiftly.

"HEY! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT, YOU FOOL!" Rukia commanded.

"I just called your name four times, you midget!"

"WHO'S THE MIDGET, YOU IMBECILE?!" She screamed, successfully kicking him hard in the stomach.

Ichigo bent over coughing as Rukia slid off and walked off defiantly with a huff.

"Damnit...where the hell are we going?" Ichigo demanded as he caught up with her, "you insisted to buy flowers which took _two_ freakin hours! And _then_ you say we have to walk out to the woods?! What does this have _anything_ to do with-"

"Shut up! You're talking too much! It's either you follow me, or you leave."

Ichigo grumbled in annoyance and grudgingly followed Rukia.

"We're here," Rukia announced.

"Eh? I don't see anyo-WHA-?!" Ichigo yelped as Rukia pulled him down with her.

"He's right here," she said solemnly, kneeling down to place the flowers.

Ichigo comfortably crouched down next to her and saw the marble stone.

"Oh…it's his death anniversary today, isn't it." Ichigo said, quietly.

"Yeah..this is Kaien Shiba. Kaien-dono, this is Kurosaki Ichigo," Rukia introduced.

"Ichigo, you're wondering why I brought you here am I right?" Rukia said, as she and Ichigo stood up and nodded.

Rukia leaned against a tree with crossed arms, staring straight ahead at nothing.

As if she could see everything happening again.

**(A/N: This whole part is basically Rukia's memories of Kaien so you can skip this if you'd like. Go down until you see another A/N that ends it.)**

"Kaien-dono was a lieutenant of Captain Ukitake. He was popular, well-liked, funny, and direct. He saw my zanpaktou first, taught me everything I needed to learn, and guided me. He..was the only friend I had back then. I also admired his wife, Miyako, who was in another squad. She was strong, beautiful, kind, and loving.

"Then, she was killed by a hollow. Kaien-dono wanted to avenge her and met the hollow at night. Ukitake-taicho and I were close by. We could see that the hollow was no match for him. I wanted to help him so badly, but Ukitake-taicho stopped me, telling me that if I interfered his pride would be wounded afterwards. And so I watched. I watched that damn monster turn Kaien-dono into one." Rukia muttered the last sentence more to herself angrily with gritted teeth.

"He chased after me as I ran into the woods terrified and crying. When I was cornered at a tree trunk, he came foward to kill me until I stabbed him straight through the heart with my own sword. Kaien-dono thanked me for letting him die with his own conscience even though he was in pain, coughing on his own blood. It was raining the whole time when he died, pouring out my sadness and guilt," Rukia said, shivering as she remembered Kaien's cold, unmoving body.

"..After that, I dragged his body with guilt to the Shiba's place, my bloodied sword with the other. I carried the guilt, hiding it deep within me.

"And then..I met you. You-who looked so much like him. I couldn't bear seeing anyone else die in front of me ever again. So I was frantic when you fought the hollow who killed your Mom. The same event was happening again..." Ichigo saw Rukia's eyes flash with an indescribable emotion but it disappeared the moment he blinked.

"...but I knew interfering was impossible to do. And so I could only pray for you to live. I was so grateful that you survived...leaving...leaving you was incredibly..." Rukia took in a sharp breath and exhaled shakingly, trying to control her emotions.

"...painful. then I met you again in at the bridge where you reminded me of Kaien-dono's smile. I was very afraid you'd die from Nii-sama's hands. I wouldn't be able to live through that _ever_ again. But you're alive, standing right in front of me...thanks to you, I was able to apologize straight to Kokaku's face for killing her brother.

"And then Orihime was kidnapped, so we went to Hueco Mundo. I thought Espada 9 was Kaien-dono, but I was stupid enough to fall for it," Rukia continued, with clenched hands.

"Kaien-dono would _never_ tell me to go kill my friends. I was so angry that he would _dare_ to have his face and say those things unlike the Kaien-dono I knew in my memories. I broke the wall for the sky to hit him which revealed his true face, Espada 9, Aaroneiro, which I thought meant that he wasn't Kaien-dono. But I was proven wrong; Aaroneiro had sucked in his body spirit, powers, and his memories, so Kaien was a part of Aaroneiro. Hearing that, I no longer had the will to fight. I had assured myself that by killing him, I had at least freed his soul, but...it had only been wishful thinking. When Aaroneiro stabbed my body, I remembered.." Rukia said, closing her eyes, smiling fondly.

"..Kaien-dono's lesson: when you die with your friends, your heart is passed onto him/her. With that, I killed Aaroneiro. As I was dying, I thought of my friends who were fighting in Hueco Mundo, you, and lastly, Orihime. I knew the pain and suffering Orihime was going through, and yet..I..I couldn't get up to save her..she must've blamed herself when I was dead," Rukia continued, looking down shamefully.

"And then after the victory against Aizen..we said our goodbyes..I became a lieutenant like Kaien-dono once was…I gave you your powers again.." Rukia said thoughtfully as the many events passed by in her eyes.

**(A/N: That's the ending of the memories of Kaien from Rukia 3)**

Rukia turned to face Ichigo, "I brought you here, because I wanted Kaien-dono to meet the one who changed my world and Soul Society."

Ichigo and Rukia gazed at each other as the wind softly blew between them.

With sudden realization, Ichigo's eyes widened and gaped, "WAIT. DID YOU-"

"Shut it, Strawberry. Don't make me say it again," Rukia defiantly said, blushing in embarrassment.

Ichigo stared at her for a long minute, then he bent over laughing, hands clutching his stomach.

"Baka! Stop laughing!"

"I..hahaha..I..okok..it's just that I realized you didn't use your crappy drawings while explaining things to me for once," Ichigo explained, "man, who would've thought the great Kuchiki Rukia would flatter me _and_ turn red?"

"Shut up," Rukia pouted, then realized, "and my drawings _are not _crappy!"

"WAIT, RUKIA! I DIDN'T SAY-OW!" Ichigo yelped as Rukia whacked him on the side of his face.

"Hmph," Rukia turned away with satisfaction.

Rukia turned back to stare at Kaien's grave, deep in thoughts.

"This guy is really important to you, huh," Ichigo remarked, pulling her arm backwards to him.

"Yeah..he really is," Rukia sighed, leaning on Ichigo.

"Rukia, he never will and never has hated you..after all.." Ichigo said reassuringly, "..he left his heart with you."

"You think so?" Rukia asked, looking up at him.

"I know so," Ichigo answered firmly with his strong gaze.

"..Arigatou...Ichigo.." Rukia whispered quietly, looking down.

"No problem," Ichigo replied, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Comfortable silence surrounded the two as they stared at the grave of Kaien Shiba.

That is, until Ichigo decided to ruin it.

"..Rukia..I'm sorry for never going back to rescue you in Hueco Mundo."

After blinking several times with a surprised face, Rukia groaned, pushed him _far_ away from her, faced away, rubbed her temples, cursing as quietly as possible (of course, Ichigo wisely stayed quiet, not wanting to provoke her further).

After her cursing session was done, she walked to him, annoyed, "I _told_ you Ichigo. I didn't go there for you to _protect me_. Our mission was to go _rescue Orihime_."

"I know..but you were.._dead_.." Ichigo choked out painfully, "I didn't go back for you."

"Look, if you came back for me, I would be_ furious,_" Rukia said, her index finger against his chest with a defiant face as he winced painfully, "No matter who died, we were to go on to rescue Orihime. So stop feeling guilty!"

"Besides, in case you didn't notice," Rukia said, pointing to herself, "I'm_ alive, not dead, _you fool_._"

Ichigo's eyes widened, then softened.

"Yeah, you're right..." Ichigo muttered, scratching his hair.

"Of course," Rukia smirked, "I'm always right."

"Is that so?" Ichigo smirked, leaning into her face, "Then I'm physically stronger."

"As if," Rukia said, rolling her eyes, "I beat you up all the time and you _still_ scream like an idiot."

"Hmph," Ichigo turned away sulkingly, his arms crossed.

"Awww, is the great war hero pouting because he lost to me?" Rukia cooed, teasingly.

"HELL NO!" Ichigo denied quite loudly.

Rukia laughed hard, her hands over her stomach as Ichigo stomped over and pushed her down with him on top of her.

"_Now_,who's the stronger one?" Ichigo smirked, teasingly.

"Shut up. Just get _off_ of me," Rukia grumbled under her breath.

"I don't think so."

Smiling mischievously, he tickled her weak spots playfully as she laughed.

"S-s-stop-hahahahahahaha!" Rukia laughed, unable to control it.

"Never!" Ichigo growled playfully.

After some time of torture tickling, he finally stopped (after some threats from Rukia that were like how she'd knee his-cough-precious _thing_ if he didn't stop) and rolled to her side.

"..Ichigo..?"

He twirled a short hair strand, looking curiously at it.

"Why'd you cut it?"

Rukia turned away slightly, lost in thought, "I..my hair was never cut ever since Kaien's death..but after the fight with that Espada..I wanted to start anew with a new haircut.."

"I see," Ichigo said quietly, moving on to a brighter topic, "You know, your hits are harder than before..were you training?"

"Of course I was," Rukia answered, "I wanted to get stronger after the fight with that _Espada_."

Ichigo frowned at the look of Rukia's eyes filled with hatred at the mention of the Espada.

"..But..I got stronger mostly because..well..you." Ichigo blinked in surprise as Rukia turned her blushing face away.

"..Who else is going to save your ass while you stupidly rush to go protect others?" Rukia muttered.

Ichigo chuckled quietly as he leaned down to her ear,

"Arigatou..Rukia."

They lied by each other's side peacefully with his arm around her shoulders, enveloped in their own little world.

**A/N:**

**So...how do you guys like my very first IchiRuki fanfic ever? I tried to keep **

**them in character as much as possible . Please review so I can know **

**how well or how terrible I did! I appreciate constructive advice and **

**criticism, too!**


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